i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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