My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
