What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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