You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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