Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
