I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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