have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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