glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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