Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
