..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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