I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
