How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
