Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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