this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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