Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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