just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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