Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
