God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
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don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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