But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
