I can tuck mytits in my pants
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
