i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize