I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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