Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
