are you still at the devil's house?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
