It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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