Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Text me some of your sweat
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