my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
