I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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