i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
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Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize