I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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