Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
