call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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