rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
