She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
