Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
