Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
