Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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