Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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