I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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