I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
