I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
