The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
