ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
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Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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