All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There r osticjed everywhere
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
