but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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