Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
