I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
