I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
