i just sent this text using only my big toe
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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