and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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