you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
