My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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