During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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