Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you had me at cake vodka
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
