Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
