so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.