So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
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it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
that is very illegal...i love you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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