You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
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Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
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You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.