the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
