Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"