Texts From Last Night

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  (541): View more from Oregon

  In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?

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  (541): In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it? http://tfl.nu/ati9
  Replies (6) Good night (1037) Bad night (1488)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.

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  (269): I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient. http://tfl.nu/pars
  Replies (10) Good night (713) Bad night (2349)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.

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  (479): I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight. http://tfl.nu/07n7
  Replies (27) Good night (5286) Bad night (1153)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.

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  (847): Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk. http://tfl.nu/mos7
  Replies (17) Good night (8303) Bad night (831)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....

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  (970): just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address.... http://tfl.nu/ivpp
  Replies (28) Good night (6402) Bad night (2174)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.

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  (775): they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it. http://tfl.nu/g3nc
  Replies (19) Good night (6021) Bad night (950)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.

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  (407): sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch. http://tfl.nu/v1iz
  Replies (47) Good night (12356) Bad night (1431)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!

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  (727): A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend! http://tfl.nu/ajdu
  Replies (12) Good night (3659) Bad night (853)
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  (315): View more from New York

  when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'

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  (315): when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly' http://tfl.nu/2ku4
  Replies (6) Good night (4041) Bad night (1099)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment

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  (604): I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment http://tfl.nu/wq23
  Replies (10) Good night (2428) Bad night (1174)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.

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  (574): First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated. http://tfl.nu/ljxt
  Replies (6) Good night (1778) Bad night (737)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.

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  (734): The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use. http://tfl.nu/kozs
  Replies (7) Good night (1311) Bad night (659)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.

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  (973): How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow... (862): This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am. http://tfl.nu/nxs7
  Replies (0) Good night (1358) Bad night (547)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...

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  (778): She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there... http://tfl.nu/opdp
  Replies (1) Good night (284) Bad night (494)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.

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  (727): If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs. http://tfl.nu/plpw
  Replies (2) Good night (391) Bad night (299)

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