I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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