literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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