well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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