Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
