Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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