you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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