question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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