Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
