she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
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She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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