I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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