found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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