Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
