I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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