You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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