im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
