She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
