Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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