I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
