I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
