i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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