Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
