if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize