i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
