My hand turned me down
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
