I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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