Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
