Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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